Notes from a LiteraryVixen

Snarks and Randoms for Your Enlightenment.

Lipstick v. Caffeine Fix. July 1, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — theliteraryvixen @ 7:24 pm

I admit it. I hit the drive-thru more often than I should.

Hey – I’m a busy gal with a caffeine addiction, okay? Ease up.

Anyhow, because of my dependency on things like Large Sugar-Free Vanilla Iced Coffees (just a hypothetical, of course), I have noticed a disturbing trend.

If you haven’t been to a drive-thru in a while, here’s the routine:

  1. Talk into the box and check the screen. It’s usually not quite right.
  2. Pull ahead to window one. Exchange a modicum of pleasantries and pay the girl.
  3. Pull ahead to window two. Accept beverage.
  4. Stare sullenly at beverage lid as you await a straw.
  5. Look into fold-out window to see where worker is with said straw.
  6. Accept bag with Egg McMuffin (or similar) and pull away, reaching blindly into bag to locate white-on-white straw while driving.
  7. Maneuver car out of parking lot while tapping found straw against steering wheel to extricate it from paper.
  8. Pull straw OUT of sheath with teeth while holding it with single free hand.
  9. Jam straw into lid and finally get your first hit of caffeine for the day.
  10. (OPTIONAL) Miss hole in top, due to lack of caffeine and frustration, and dump entire large sugar-free vanilla iced coffee [for example] on the floor of your Ford Escort. Curse while trying to maintain driving composure. Place Hex on fast food workers for not just GIVING YOU YOUR FREAKING STRAW WHEN YOU GOT YOUR BEVERAGE, THEREBY ALLOWING YOU TO MULTI-TASK SAFELY!!!

Seriously? Can I just get my straw when I get my beverage, please? I can’t imagine it saves anybody any time, and seeing my icy beverage throw condensation on the side of my plastic glass is just making my mouth water.

Besides, it’s not a good idea to deliberately withhold anything from me before I’ve had my caffeine.


One Response to “Lipstick v. Caffeine Fix.”

  1. lisha Says:

    caffeine is only good when you pour it in my crotch! thanks for that. i love coffee crotch! ahh good times!

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