Notes from a LiteraryVixen

Snarks and Randoms for Your Enlightenment.

Phone/Sex: A Diatribe on Dating in the 21st Century. January 30, 2008

Filed under: Dating — theliteraryvixen @ 8:45 pm

Boys are far too goal-oriented. That’s the moral of this story.

But, to prove my theorum, let’s take a step back, shall we?

I am a single gal, living in a very couple-oriented city. And, for those of you who live in Madison and disagree with that . . . well, you’re just wrong. This is a destination where people come to do one of two things: 1.) To sow their wild oats as a student or 2.) To settle down and raise a family. So, if you’re enjoying the singles scene . . . well, you’re probably dating boys. Not men. Boys.

To be sure, there are some guys worth dating out there. Most of them have a girlfriend . . . or a boyfriend. [Trust me: times are tough in this town for the single gays, too.] But where is a girl to find them?

Let’s break it down: I work with some men, to be sure. This new job is probably 1:4 male to female ratio. My previous job was 1:10. And, most of those men are (you guessed it) married. And usually way above my age group. My social life? Almost entirely spent with the gays in places where they don’t have to feel out of place. Read: gay bars. And school? Lakeland is mostly all chicks again.

So what is a girl to do?

Enter: The Internet.

I know, I know: there’s a stigma. But, seriously, the kind of guy I’m attracted to is on the computer 15+ hours a day anyhow, between work and fun. Surely some of them have left their gaming sites to check out the options, right?

So, I’ve been going through the men like water lately. Looking for that needle in a haystack: an articulate, funny man with cojones and a goal. I keep finding the weepy “woe is me” with very little direction, though. And I’ve noticed a disturbing trend.

As all women know, once a guy is allowed to get some, all the good make-out sessions and other foreplay without an ultimate goal slows to a trickle. Well, apparently this is NOT just a sexual trend.

You spend weeks conversing with someone over e-mail – lengthy communiques with debates, opinions, “Top 10” lists, backstories, et cetera. And it’s great. Back and forth, at least once a day. You check your e-mail obsessively, waiting for the gems awaiting you in the next missive.

And then the penultimate of stranger relations: the phone call. and it goes well. It may even lead to a date, and that to another one. But, the problem is . . . as soon as that first phone call happens the “You’ve Got Mail” announcer goes on vacation. It’s as though you have nothing more to say that cannot be said live and/or in person.

And that SUCKS.

No, no boys! You’re not done yet! We have many more questions to ask and things to share, and I am certainly not going to talk to you on the phone every day. I don’t even call my best FRIENDS every day . . . and friends still rank above anyone you’re not dating exclusively. Always.

I am unsure as to whether this means that guys think they’re “in” or are worried that we’d run out of things to say in person or whatever it is. All I know is that it’s annoying. So, STOP it!

And, if you’re lucky enough to be out of this cess pool known as the dating game, please take it from me: treat your partner to a nice, long make-out session tonight. No rushing through the good stuff. They’ll appreciate it.

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One Response to “Phone/Sex: A Diatribe on Dating in the 21st Century.”

  1. Katrina Says:

    As men get older they get even lazier. As women get older we get pickier. Not a good combination. Just wait a couple of more years when their will is completely broken, then make tap water into wine!


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