Middle School Art Class was the first time I remember realizing that I lack perspective.
Of course, at that time, I thought that it just meant I should only draw in 2-D if I didn’t want my drawings to look slightly janky.
What I’ve come to realize, though, is that this trait carries over into a lot of my life. I get too far into things (i.e. situations, emotions, my own head, etc.) to have the ability to step back and view it in context with the rest of the world.
I seek to understand the inner workings of things. It’s a kind of empathy, I think. But unless I know WHY something works, it is impossible for me to understand it. It’s as if a wall builds up between me and the problem, and my usually-logical mind cannot even begin to tackle it.
For example: math. I’m actually very good at problem solving, especially word problems. But I cannot even begin to LEARN the equations for which I cannot see a practical application. I can copy a formula and break it down into pieces, but I get so frustrated I want to cry, even if I end up with (and I invariably do . . . eventually) the right answer.
What made me realize this today is my consistent inability to answer the question: “am I happy?” The answer is always “I don’t know.” Do I like my job? I don’t know. Should I stay in this relationship? I don’t know. I cannot analyze and advise myself.
I know I’m not alone on this. I know that everyone struggles with being the center of their own universe. But it’s just getting particularly frustrating. This inability to see the forest for the trees until years after I’ve left that particular forest makes me feel stupid.
And if I’m only allowed one pet peeve in life, it’s being made to feel stupid.